Once we were connected, I talked with them about my expectations for how they should conduct themselves when it comes to handling mine and Cleveland's affairs. I was specific about why I was leaving certain items to whom and the fact that the oldest is the executor of our will. I went on to explain that I expect for all decisions to be made jointly other than what we have specifically spelled out. We laughed about some of the choices I made and at one point, my son said, "You know I am gonna let them do whatever they want, Ma.” And I believe it.
None of this was the real reason for the call.
I told them how much respect I have for them as adults and that in their roles as parents, they would begin to create (if they haven't already) their own family traditions. Would I love for them to abstain from Halloween and teaching the fallacy that bunny rabbits lay eggs? Absolutely! But I refuse to challenge them or their spouse’s decision-making skills. My children have always sought my advice when they deemed it necessary, and I trust that this will continue. As a matter of fact, when I want to talk with them privately about something serious, I always ask their permission. This bears repeating. I respect them as my adult children.
As I was speaking to them, my grandson was in the living room working on a puzzle. He was the reason I initiated the contact. His name is Amari Jordan White, and he's 9 years old. He announces his name very proudly when he introduces himself to others, and it is quickly followed by, "but you can call me A.J. for short.”
He's smart. He is in the gifted and talented program at school (given an opportunity, he will announce this also), and he is an extremely logical thinker. He is also very well-mannered. With the exception of the need to brag, he has my son's intellect and personality.
In a few short days, Amari and I covered many topics. We talked about HBCU's. What a fraternity is. Being bullied in school and the after-affects. We also chatted about this insane idea he had about not displaying his brain power so that he won't be selected to skip a grade. This, of course, led to me explaining the term "dumbing down" and suggesting that he speak to his parents about his fear of being too small for the next grade.
Ultimately, we landed on his favorite pastime. For several months, I have been well aware that my grandson is addicted to a game called Fortnite. I will not begin to bore you with why/how he is allowed to spend so much time playing the game, nor am I going to tell you the extreme measures he has taken in order to play. I am not even going to tell you about the strangers he has met while playing and how they have contacted him. I will say that my concern about all of this was the reason for the video conference.
I wanted my children to know that although I will not be invasive about how they rear their children, I do want them to consider what is on the table. The legacy of what my parents taught that their parents taught that their parents—well, you get the picture.
The morals, ethical values, respect for others, hard work, the bond of your word, and our love for God. These are not optional. The going in earlier, staying later, and working harder. These are not optional. A firm handshake (whether you are a male or a female) while looking the other person in the eye, the ability to apologize, and your commitment to those who are down-trodden. These are not optional. The immense dedication to your siblings above all others. This is not optional.
For the last 10 days, Amari has spent time with me, Cleveland (who he affectionately calls Pop-Pop), his Aunt Sassy (and her husband), and his Aunt Sissy. He has been to two museums, played tennis 4 times, put together a 100-piece puzzle, worked on some art projects, swam several times, rode on Pop-Pop's motorcycle, and baked some chocolate chip cookies.
It is my hope that as an adult, he will look back on these summer visits and think of them fondly. No video games and no mobile devices. Just a family of loved ones looking to continue the legacy.
