Yesterday morning, I woke up and immediately I knew I wanted to talk about the two things that have been heavy on my mind for the last couple of weeks. Wait and Weight. I have struggled with both of them my entire life and, right now, the struggle is super real.
My Mother has a picture of me sitting up (barely) on a blanket and I remember asking her, "why was I so fat?" Her reply, "you ate a lot". Keep in mind, I was about 8 months old and I wasn't going in the kitchen or preparing any meals. By the way, I debated posting the picture but quickly changed my mind. In regard to my lack of patience, I am sure that I have had the issue all of my life. I was probably crying, as a baby, in between bites of oatmeal.
I just don't like to wait. I just don't like my current weight.
It has been a little over 5 weeks since I had the total knee replacement and, although my recovery has gone remarkably well, I can't work out and I am really limited in mobility. Aside from physical therapy, twice a week, I spend a lot of time in the confines of my home. I know that I can't rush the process - it is a matter of time before things will get better. This is what I keep telling myself. It is not working.
While I am mentally practicing patience, I have enjoyed cooking and eating some pretty delicious meals. And, guess what I figured out? Sitting in a restaurant and eating a meal, loaded with my favorite carbs, actually makes me feel better. I believe we know them best as "comfort foods".
All of the unhealthy eating and no exercise has resulted in a 10 pound weight gain. The minute I stepped on the scale, to find out exactly what the damage was, I became anxious. I don't know about you, but my impatience and my anxiety really feed off of each other. My anxiety sounds the alarm and my impatience says, "you better take care of this right now!" Sounds like a mess, right?!
There is a principle that involves balance - some know it as rhythm. You cannot go against it even if you try hard. Pushing too much towards one polarity will ultimately force you to go back to the other one, whether you want it or not. This time, however, perhaps under less favorable circumstances than you would like to experience. For instance, you can work hard for months, or even years, juggling multiple projects and responsibilities, while skillfully balancing on the edge of depletion. But when you don’t regularly incorporate the necessary rest, it will be forced upon you. You will become ill.
The existence of such a rhythm suggests that the best strategy is to become conscious of it and use it intelligently in your life. The key understanding here is the act of balancing between the two sides. No matter which direction you choose and how far you go, you know that you will need to turn back and swing towards the opposite. I actually talk about balance on the wellness page of my website (found on sunishines.com) - knowing and doing are two different things. It takes action.
This week, I am living in a more conscious state. I started a routine of lifting light weights and core exercises. I am not where I want to be. As a matter of fact, 15 minutes into it, I was worn out. And, of course, I am watching my intake. It is only a matter of time before I am back on the hiking trail, in the boxing gym and maybe even going for a nice run.
You will just have to WAIT and see........
